like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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