seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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