Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think people are normalizing furries
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
