I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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