I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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