So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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