He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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