When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
