He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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