just come out here and I will go home with you...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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