Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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