coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize