Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
