There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
