just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
