OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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