I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
