I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
