Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
