I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
