Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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