I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
