I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
