Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
