I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
