you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
