the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize