I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
