zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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