he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
