I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
