everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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