Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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