I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Michael Bay diarrhea
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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