I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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