It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize