I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
