I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
