my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
