Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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