Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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