Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just gift wrapped bread.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
