The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
