What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize