Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
