Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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