we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
