it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
