Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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