can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
