Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize