I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
