Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize