Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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