They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
