I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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