Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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