There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
