I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
