when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize