if i can run in heels then i can drive
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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