Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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