I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So drunk its hurt
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
