good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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