I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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