I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
