I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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