I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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