Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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