Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
