So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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