I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
