wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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