His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
