I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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