Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
