Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
