Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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