My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
