My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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