like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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